Top 10 Pointless Baby Products

5. Warm N Go

But life isn’t that short. Not so short that you need to warm a bottle on the go all the time. No stopping at gas stations to heat a bottle! We must keep moving! Hence the urgent-sounding name of the “Warm n Go”. Of course, if your life was like that you’d be sorely disappointed in this in-car bottle warmer which, according to reviews, takes 30 minutes to get milk to an even acceptably warm state. So, a product that’s designed for people on the move but which is painstakingly slow? Sounds like a bit of a misfire. Especially when babies seem happy enough to glug room temperature formula straight out of those ready-made cartons. No tricky, breakable heating elements or long waits – just need a pair of scissors.


4. Wet Wipe Warmer

Talking of things you never knew you needed to warm – here’s the wet wipe warmer, a huge piece of equipment with just one function, and that’s to warm baby wipes. It sounds overly precious but maybe your baby’s bottom needs to have wipes of just the right temperature or it’ll collapse in protest? I’ve always found that room temperature works just fine, and if they don’t like having their diaper changed the warmth of the wipe will make not a blind bit of difference. If, like one baby book suggests, you find your wet wipes are on the “chilly” side, I’d suggest not leaving them in the fridge. That generally helps.


3. Squirt Spoon

Some would say that the whole process of purée weaning is a bit pointless, seeing as a combination of milk and finger foods is enough to see them through the transition to solids. But the majority of parents still feel that a bit of mush is essential and so slavishly go through the routine of boiling, blending and spooning every day. So if you’re doing all that already, you might as well add an extra step and squeeze it all into another device. Modestly described as “genius” in its product description, it claims that it “takes baby food, removes the jar and the mess, packs it into a single utensil and with one squeeze—boom!”. How you avoid making mess while transferring food from jar to Squirt is subtly skipped out. A truly perplexing product.


2. Shopping Cart Cover

And now for another problem you never knew you had – dirty, cold shopping carts that will infect your child with both germs and coldness. But you’ve guessed it – there’s a product out there to solve just that problem, or lack of. The shopping cart cover provides your baby with it own smooshy cocoon of loveliness so they can play with their toys rather than grabbing things off the shelf like those other, poorly behaved babies (clearly jealous because they don’t have their own cart cover).

One brand caused outrage when it supplied a cart cover without a belt, suggesting you use the belt in the cart provided. Germ-phobic parents responded with rage as, in their opinion, it completely negated the point of the cover. As one person put it, “We all know how nasty those shopping cart belts can be”. Absolutely. But here’s a piece of out-of-the-box thinking – if you’re that freaked out by shopping carts, why not just shop online? Or use your own stroller? Just me?


1. Peepee Teepee

And now for the Number One most useless baby product, as voted by me. First, an experiment. Go and stuff a cotton wool ball up a tap. Then turn the tap on full blast. Observe as the small, light object is propelled away by the power of the liquid. Congratulations, you have just done the product testing that the makers of the Peepee Teepee never did.

Simply put, this is a small, tent-shaped piece of fabric that you put over a little boy’s extremities while changing his diaper. If he pees then, in theory, it goes into the “teepee”. In practice, it will fly across the room and you will have to pull it out from the back of the sofa while you, he and it are all covered in pee. Even the best case scenario involves having to wash tiny bit of urine-soaked fabric. Just don’t even bother. There’s only one thing that stops you get peed on during a diaper change and that is speed. Don’t give him a second longer than absolutely necessary. And good luck to you!

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