Remember all those Baby Supermen? Well here’s one that ended up as “Superman” because his parents’ first choice of name was too crazy. It happened in New Zealand in 2007 – Pat and Sheena Wheaton saw an ultrasound of their son-to-be and, in their own words, realised it was “for real”. So that’s what they wanted to call him – “4Real” The government registry objected, and so “Superman” was the obvious second choice but don’t worry – they vowed to still call him “4Real” in the privacy of their own home. Because how will a child know that he is real unless you constantly remind him of it? Especially when you’ve chosen to name him after a fictional superhero that can fly – there’s every chance that he might forget just how real he is. And he even has a personalised t-shirt to remind him too. Bet he regrets it now he’s six!
What’s with these parents and their satanically-named children? I mean, you can just about get away with “Daemon” if you claim that it’s just “Damon” with an extra letter but what about Lucifer? (New Zealand again – 6 cases, apparently) Or the couple in Japan that went with “Akuma”, which means “Devil” in Japanese. It was 1993 and the father that chose it had to go through a series of legal wranglings before being allowed to use the “demon” character in the name. He may have been pleased with his victory, but within a few years the family had split up, Akuma had been sent to an orphanage and, when asked in 2006, his mother had no idea of his whereabouts. So think carefully before invoking any dark spirits on your children’s birth certificate – it may come back to haunt you. Although he does have the privilege of sharing a name with a character from “Street Fighter” (pictured above)
3. Sor Chai
Another Asian naming disaster now, and one of many bizarre names to emerge from Malaysia. There’s “Chow Tow”, which means “smelly head” and “Khiow Koo”, meaning hunchback but my particular favorite has to be “Sor Chai”, which means “insane”. It’s the purity of it that’s so beautiful. And yes, most newborn babies are a bit insane. But the most insane thing is that parents seem to think these are viable names to give their children -little wonder then that Malaysia tightened up its naming laws in 2006 and now parents can no longer name their children after Japanese sports cars, any kind of animal or insect…and even fruit and vegetables are banned! You have to hope Gwyneth Paltrow never needs to name a child in Malaysia…
Just time for one more trip to Sweden, and it’s the heftily-named Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116, whose parents objected so strongly to the strict naming legislation that they apparently fainted on the keyboard of their computer and chose to name their baby after whatever was on the screen afterwards. Or maybe they let the baby choose the name itself by thumping on the keys? Either way, the name didn’t get far with those notorious Swedish courts, and the parents (Elisabeth Hallin and Lasse Diding) were fined 5,000 kronor. Of course, this all happened around Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116’s 6th birthday, because they hadn’t bothered to name him before then – again as a protest. In case you were wondering, it’s pronounced “Albin”.
1. Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii
It takes quite some imagination to come up with a name that’ll trump this lot, but a couple from New Zealand managed to do that, with “Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii”…but they lost their daughter in the process. At the age of 9, the girl with a clause for a name was taken into care and made a ward of the court so that she could choose a new name for herself. She had previously referred to herself as “K” because a name like that just doesn’t get lived down easily (although you have to wonder why she didn’t just call herself “Talula”). In the ruling, the judge said of the name: “It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap, unnecessarily”. Since changing her name, the girl has unsurprisingly disappeared from public view and it’s not known whether she is back with her parents or not. But it’s a cautionary tale to all wannabe-wacky-namers – it might seem like a joke to you, but it might backfire horribly.