Smashing Lists

It takes a good exhaust engineering to ventilate a bathroom, and it takes a putrid human odor to reverse the equilibrium. With that said, you now know why the American dictionary gave the” job of kneading body parts into its natural state of spurt” a whole new word. The spa, yes it sounds exotic already and I can smell the dollar farting in my pocket. That extra cash, the glamorous mind, those precious seconds you can waste off are just another way of saying, “I need a blowout”. Look no further, you can now squander another load of that Hollywood junk money to get yourself an extra squeeze or two.

10. The Foot Scuba

Your feet are your most precious asset you possess, the least you can do is take them to where they belong, At Agoura Hills, CA you really own your feet like never before, you tell them that it’s their home now, and you are the guest and let your feet do the talking. Once the blond doctor knocks you off with her looks, your feet will start to glow like a symbol of hope and when the experts arrive, your journey to the tropical pedicure begins. After a good submerged three hour feet bathing in the white chocolate strawberry truffle, you will see the difference yourself. This procedure will cost you $200.

9. Gold Mask Affair

Have you ever noticed that, if you didn’t have a face at all and you had some weird looking organ, supposedly a symbolic android look alike facial tone from District 9? At least those aliens were better looking and very intelligent, if you ask me. They didn’t require any makeup of some sort. This is Americas most famous treatment, what they do is that they stuff all that gold powder onto your face and leave it there for over an hour, thank the almighty, if this kind of treatment were to be inaugurated in Asia, the poor guy would most likely lose his gold face within 20 minutes, and I guarantee it. The experts believe that gold has excellent hydration powers, and adds supplements for facial hair growth for men etc. This job is worth at $400.

8. The French Rain Closet

I just don’t get it, if it rains all over the world, so you should expect the taste and the touch of H₂O to be exactly the same, whether you wish to dive in the Atlantic or the Caspian Sea, but it isn’t . This is where SoBe’s Hotel Victor has a good reason to drop in its own recipe. They present you with the treatment of a cauldron full of water from the French Alps and some medically proven flower remnants for you to sink in. This, the experts claim to be is the purest form of Evian water you cannot get anywhere else. Let’s hope your butt looks a lot better when you reach for the towel, after all you are paying $5000!

7. The Royal Backrub

If Chinese were so popular, technologically advance and medically augmented, why on earth are they still looking like an Eskimo reaching for a Johnson and Johnson lotion but just can’t get it? Well it’s the new age now, these bleached knuckle heads have at last found a method and is for service for all. At Shanghai’s Bund Five Spa Oasis, you are given the bath of your life, Stage one gets you dipped in heavy oil and water, Stage two is where you get mopped with the most expensive red wine you can ever get, Stage three is where the real fun begins, you get to be felt over by two cone heads oiling you over in all the crevices they can possible locate. After this you get the usual body wrap and some cool facial to take home. You sure pay $451 for it in the end.

6. San Francisco’s Finest

San Francisco is a beauty hub, people from all over the world come here for cosmetic advice and looking for short ways to be the very next to awesomeness. One such spa, known as the Spa Radiance exists for one reason only, “come get facialised”. This is such a famous treatment, that it is next to morning sickness. You have to have this, the experts attend to your face like it’s from another planet, and they use diamond skinning, fish egg paste for under the eyes, certain rare termite protein water for your hands and ending the care with an hour long foot and face massage. Treatment rated five stars and for $750.

5. Prototypal Marine Rub

Chicago Elysian Hotel situated downtown calls for honest people and tough marines to come and exploit their ancient body rub technique. This hotel has made its point strongly and has a reason for doing the marines in particular, why? Well you go ask a marine at sea. This treatment contains a bath with mineral water, a liquid therapy, a fully customizable body relaxation class and a gel makeover extracted from sea plantation to smoothen your skin. It’s a tedious procedure, but worthy of over $300.

4. The Luxurious Five

Does a billfold of $665 ring any bells? No? Well it’s closer to $700! This is what the legend of Luxurious five is all about; the method is almost close to perfection. You just cannot enlist a comparison, it’s this simple. This treatment is offered at Tokyo’s Spa at Mandarin Oriental in Japan. And you know that Japanese do all their chores the old fashioned way, this too is something of that chaos, and they offer you with a foot ceremony, then some sort of essence procedure that takes two hours. Finally after all the Japanese care and aromatic ambiance you get the rumored facial with flower petals, cucumbers and what not stuffed onto your face, this they say renews the skin. Well Mr. Tokomoto you sure know what’s worth $ 665.

3. The Slang Shampoo

The wealthy arrive here like bees; specifically the Hollywood junk love to get all their makeup in order from here, the South Kensington spa offers a lot of treatments for your body. Of them, what the experts do to your hair follicle is worth spending your last penny on. Once through the door, your hair sacs plead insanity and want the famous Caviar conditioner this spa offers. People like Angelina Jolie have praised the treatment hundreds of times. After the procedure your hair will look soft, breathing and hydrated for long. This treatment costs around $400.

2. The Heavenly Karma

It may come as a surprise but Las Vegas also hosts world premium spas for VVIPs and other squandering bastards. Besides boiling casinos and strip clubs, the next thing more erotic is to get yourself to the nearest spa saloon. Encore Wynn Las Vegas has one spa that is worth going to; it offers what they call “the good luck ritual”. Yes you will have lots of luck in the end, not just a humble back rub. This procedure includes body synchronizing with your inner mind, so that your legs don’t fall off track etc. Another massage awaits you where you are stuffed and clustered with lots of oil and herbs to stabilize your inner peace. Finally after all the stuffing and lots of extra lots, you are treated for scalp restructuring; this kind of wraps you in a gift wrapping. Valued at $250

1. The Cream of Youth

You could take this as a summation of all that possible treatments you can imagine or all that ways you can have your toe tops ripped. Since Dubai is having a huge country wide facial itself, with all that rapid construction and protrusions you can see around every turn, it’s not surprising to see the best spas it hosts for variety of soothers. One such, called the Madinat Jumeirah Resort is of notice here, they offer everything, you can have your extra fat donated, you can have your belly shaped, chop off your unattended hair and much more. Mostly they have women over, but these days’ men have been fooled into looking like the perfect Jesus of Dubai, you even get a free facial with lemons from Dubai premium gardens. What more do u want? Get your butt padded before the marines come. The procedure will cost you $720.