5. “I Overslept”
Quite fittingly the laziest excuse on my list, this is for those with no shame or care for what others may think of them. It’s self-explanatory and due to its lack of ambition and creativeness will rarely be disputed- however it may get you fired eventually.
6. “The Traffic Was a Mess”
An excellent for one reason, it’s often true that the traffic between the home and the workplace is a nightmare due to everyone heading in exactly the same direction. A terrible excuse for another reason, your co-workers may fiercely deny its legitimacy if they managed to get in on-time. Definitely avoid this one if you have colleagues living in your neighbourhood. Even if you figure the people you work with to be cool, never underestimate their desire for favour. A brutal truth.
3. “Something, Something my Kids”
The ‘something something’ stands for absolutely anything you feel your boss will buy. Maybe it should have been ‘Anything Anything my Kids’ but we all make mistakes and it’s too late now anyway. OBVIOUSLY you need a child or two for this one to work as a known bachelor is unlikely to convince the boss that his timekeeping issues are down to his children giving him the run-around. Chances are, if you have kids they will make you late for work regularly anyway. If you do wish to attempt this excuse however I shall list a couple of examples/suggestions: “I had to take my kids to school after they missed the bus”, “I had to take my kids to the doctors”. You get the picture.
2. “My Alarm Clock is Broken”
In the current age of gadget-ism it’s likely to take a rather sophisticated lie-smith to pull this one off, partly due to its lack of inspiration though mostly due it being a terrible excuse. In fact, I’ve got no idea what this is doing at number two on this list, if you can convince your boss that your lateness is down to a faulty alarm clock- you’re too smart for your job.
1. “I Had a Family Emergency”
Number one on the list with good reason, this excuse is excellent on many levels. Though once again slightly un-ethical (as all falsehoods are?), you are unlikely to be probed in any way in the time immediately after issuing this yarn. Due to the implied privacy garnered by the involvement of family, bosses are 9 times out of 10 unwilling to question your excuse, despite its lack of detail. I’m not too ashamed to say I’ve used this one once or twice in the past, and though one time a manager tried to probe further into the details- I told them it was none of their business and that I’d rather not go into it, it was awesome.