Smashing Lists

Dunkin Donuts, husky buns and jelly bellies!

Peter Parker is no longer a photographer; he has decided to traffic doughnuts now. He specifically deals in curvaceous bakery these days. A man who has seen it all, all those women he helped, she-devils he plunged behind bars, kissed the subway girls and brought back peace to the divorcées. All of them had one thing in common; Spiderman loves to gander at the “cleavage”.

Fortunately we got the chance of asking a few directions to ourselves, here’s what he webbed for us.

10. Respect the Jockey

The word you are looking for is respect. This lets you choose and size your brasserie very carefully; you don’t want looking like the paunchy pig or the bony girl at your favorite party. You have to spend time and good money on your undergarments; you know allow room for your “interior” to spark up. Eh!

9. Massage your Knobs

I wish I had the hands of a nun and the groins of Mr. Pitt, sorry Jolie, my bad. A good thumping to you jugs daily allows for a retained cushioning feel throughout all the hugging and squeezing you go through. You may use the clinically famed “INTIMIA” breast pillow to remove the unexpected toughening while you sleep off your hangovers. BBBBrrrring it!

8. Stick fridge note “Ultra-soft, Ultra-light”

It’s no shame hiding it from your husband, just stick the two words on your kitchen fridge door and THAT’s IT. Every morning you wake up pissed off, just face the sink and give your chest puppies a lift, do them every morning. This way the slagging balconies will have a fresher air each day for a start.

7. Oil them

With great oil comes great responsibility, and with responsibility comes the promised Gland Canyon. You have to get hold of some good Olay box and use it daily. Are you tired of lonesome therapy then ask your boyfriend to lubricate the rack for you whilst using pure plant essentials to kick up the line.

6. Integration

This method requires you to treat your busts as your entire body. Imagine kneading your favorite dough powder on your honeymoon, that’s how you should begin. Most women tend to feel less and less towards breast care. It’s not just the bra genie you need to question; you have to grow them, just like any other part of your chassis, if your cans need a new bag, get one. Don’t forget, breast tissue is VERY delicate.

5. The Bra Academy

Oh girl who could forget this one, so many are being enrolled in the school and making their way up with women, even cross dressers have gained notoriety for it. These are usually called push up bras; these boost the breasts and add shape to them with extra packing. Some even come with silicone inserts and are water padded, to emulate the fullness. We would advise getting one from Victoria’s Secret for yourself, it starts off at 49$.

4. Enlarge

Look at all the biology that goes into breast making, such a wonder, no doubt the innate newborn loves to suck on them all the time. You have been given the key to unlock all this science by our doctors. The pectoris, bad boy muscles underneath the breast tissue are worth talking about, these slag with age, and you need to exercise them to gain more cleavage. The bigger and toned the rack is on a smaller chest area, the better rounded the cleavage. It’s like having a secondary butt on your chest. I feel satisfied already.

3. Soy Milk

Boob Swelling is natural; it’s an erotic indicator of what happens inside you, like when you are having your regular Niagara moment (we hope you understand). Drinking this liquid will give you a considerable lift, why? Because it contains estrogen and this has the history for giving you a squishy effect to your boobs.

2. Herbal Technique

If you are thinking of a reading a beauty mag and then dictating that to your Charlies, please don’t bother showing us your thing. What you need is a cure with no side effects, herbal is your answer. This method gained prominence during the time of when kings and rich men used harem girls in the Middle East as their decaying pleasure. Girls were required to dawn the value of heavenly merit, hence the heavy dependence on Herbal methods. So we are offering you a parallel fabrication of what you fantasize under a hot shower.

1. Formula Bronzer

Yes you guessed it; it’s also called faking your breasts or creating an optical illusion of Pamela’s boobage. You use a powder, commonly known as the bronzer, a brownish skin adjacent color with a little darker tone to color burn your breast valley resulting in a profound effect and a blush for women with slagging bosoms. To me women with suspended jugs are an example of wasted twins born naked on a tennis field with the exception of removable jugs. So you don’t want to scare your husband during your midnight magic. Get the bronzer and that’s it.