10 Super Lame Comic Book Super Heroes
The main attraction of a comic super hero is the super awesome wicked amazing spectacular power he possess but as the comic writers kept in drawing them and went out of creativity, they gave birth to the stupidest super-heroes with fancy outfits but totally bad powers.
Jubilee or Jubilation Lee was the creation of marvel comics and was a member of the mutant team the X-Men. Her first appearance in the comic was in Uncanny X-Men #244 (May, 1989), and was included in the popular X-Men animated series (1992). I recently watched the series again and obviously loved it. But the character of jubilee being a regular cast was a bit disappointing. She is all-things-great except for possessing lame super powers. Her “super” power is shooting some fancy colored beams from her hands, which the writer named as ability to project pyrotechnic energy. Basically no one can figure out how much her beams damage so it’s not sure if her powers are a bit worthless or totally worthless. I love X-Men, but they shouldn’t be putting lame powered heroes as their regulars.
Alison Blaire was the creation of marvel comics. Her first appearance was in Uncanny X-Men #130 (February1980). She was a mutant and was a member of the mutant team X-Men. What kind of super powers did she posses? The answer is the power to sing or in other words she had the ability to convert sound into light beams of various forms and intensity. Looking at that, I have no idea how she used to defeat her enemies. Her creators say that she was created just to build up a relationship between two companies Casablanca Records and Marvel Comics which did not last long so the character was just useless, both in comics and in the real world. I don’t know what professor X saw in her to let her join the X-Men.
Cypher whose “human” name was Doug Ramsey was the creation of marvel comics, and was included in the new Marvel comic series of X-Men named “New Mutants”. His first appearance was in New Mutants vol. 1 #13 (March 1984). Well, his appearance seemed cool and all but after finding out his powers I was a bit disappointed. Okay, well, a bit more than a bit. I mean he can’t even fight as a normal person, let alone with the mutant’s strength. He could translate any languages he comes in contact with, including written, spoken, computer, or body language which by the way both translators and programmers can do. When it’s time to fight the enemy he is totally worthless but well he could come handy translating manuals of your Chinese electronics for you.
7. Matter Eater Lad
Tenzil Kem or more not famously known as Matter Eater Lad, is the creation of DC comics. He was first introduced in Adventure Comics #303, (December 1963). When the DC comics were at the peak of their teenage super hero teams, they were slowly running out of ideas about what powers can be given to their characters. And I think they might have become really desperate that they created this one, whose special powers were to eat through any substance. I mean he can’t just nom nom every villain he fights. Because I think there was a policy in comics against cannibalism. If he could chop off every villain, it would have been so cool but sadly he didn’t violate the comic-policy. So his “super” power is to make the restaurants go bankrupt. Cool, no?
6. The Red Bee
The red bee was created in 1940 by hit comics, but later became part of DC comics in 1956. This guy was basically a powerless kind of person who used to wear a red pirate shirt with pink poufy sleeves along with red and yellow striped tights, which shows that not only he couldn’t fight he didn’t even had taste in fashion. So I was hoping to find out what kind of mystical powers he might possess, turned out he had none. However what made him truly stupid and useless was not his taste in fashion, but because he had a trained bee, yes you read it correctly it was not a radioactive super bee or some other super powered bee, but instead it was a normal bee named Michael living in his buckle who used to do all the ass kicking in his comics. The specialty of the bee other than martial art skills was its sting. But the joke was on the creator because later it was found out that male bees don’t have stings. So the human was just an excuse for a comic book super hero, but in reality the comic book should have been all about the bee.
5. Wonder Twins
Siblings Zan and Jayna were the Super Heroes who were named Wonder Twins by their creator DC comics. Their first appearance was in Super Friends #7 (October 1977). Jayna had some pretty cool powers, which were about her transforming into any animal she wants, but on the other hand the writer gave Zan real bad powers, which were him being able to transform himself into any form of water; solid, liquid or gas. Yeah like any one would like to transform into water. The other stupid thing about this group was, that they could not activate their powers without physically touching their hands and shouting out “WonderTwin powers activate!”. All the crap aside, when it’s time to fight the bad guys Jayna might turn into some super cool animal to crush them, and well we can’t blame Zan for wetting his pants, after all it’s his specialty to do that.
4. Squirrel Girl
Doreen Green was the creation of marvel comics. Her first appearance was in Marvel Super-Heroes Special vol. 2 #8 (Winter 1991). Putting her super powers aside, the image of a squirrel girl gives me the creeps with the big eyes and hairy body. Basically when squirrel girl faces her enemies she gives them a 2 or 4, but when she needs help guess what she does, she calls out wild squirrels to aid her in defeating the enemy. Yeah real classy because that is the kind of super power I always wanted when I was a kid, a super power from which I could understand squirrel talks and call them in need of help. I admit this power wouldn’t have been lame at all if she could summon the elephants or a rhino or may be a lion but a squirrel, seriously the creators had no imagination.
3. The Legion of the Superpets
In 1938, DC comics created superman who became a super hit and is as famous today as he was back then. After the great big success of superman, DC comics decided to create a similar super-hero named Supergirl, who had the same qualities as superman. She was given positive reviews as well. Following Supergirl’s success the creators just started to get too much attached to the character that they created the same thing for the third time only changing his name to Superboy, now the readers started to get bored. But DC comics crossed their limits when they created “The Legion of Super Pets” which included a team of animals who had the same abilities like the rest of the supers. I mean come on man, a lucky kryptonian whose hometown was destroyed, he was alone and was sent to earth because he was last of his kind. And suddenly he finds out that he has a cousin, we’re okay with that but a super dog, super horse, super cat and super chimp?
2. Arm Fall Off Boy
This extremely stupid character named “Hero” was the creation of DC comics. He first appeared in Secret Origins Vol. 2 #46, (December 1989). Up till 1989 DC had published many super-hero comic books, so my guess is that they had no creativity left in them that they forcefully had to make this hero. The ability of Arm fall off boy is stated by his name. By putting it in the most delicate way I can, he could basically remove his limbs and use them as clubs. So may be his power is the reason that he didn’t make it to other comics and thank God he didn’t because I really don’t want the kids to be encouraged that it is totally okay to rip your arm off and start playing hockey or something.
1. Color Kid
The alter ego/name of this super hero is the weirdest of them all; I mean who in their right minds would name their child/creation Ulu Vakk. The character did justice to the name though, by being equally lame. This lame character is the creation of DC comics and his first appearance was in Adventure Comics #342 (March 1966). This guy has cool and awesome super powers but for a 4 year old, why? Because this guy can change colors of people and objects according to his own will and by doing that he will destroy the enemy. The only way he could destroy his enemy would have been if he was facing a 4 year old who was crazy for colors too. Other than that I can’t think of a single use for this super hero to do anything useful. That is the reason this character has only appeared in one or two comics.